A true MUST KNOW for everyone. If you find yourself in an emergency of a medical kind, a sexual assault, or a fight with a stalker, there is a big change that passers-by and bystanders will not help you. You need to know the psychology behind this, so you and your family know what to do when you are in an emergency and need assistance, or you are witnessing what could be an emergency.

Raped and murdered and nobody helped or intervened

A sad but explainable situation, is that when emergencies happen (medical, sexual assault, physical assault) many bystanders will not act. One of the earlier examples of this happening, was when a lady in her 20s, Kitty Genovese, was raped and murdered in a park in New York. Despite the fact that 38 of her neighbours witnessed the event, nobody did anything to help her. This case was reported in the New York Times and this started much research in this phenomenon, later referred to a ‘Bystanders Effect’ and the ‘Genovese Syndrome’.

The principle of social proof and Consensus backfires

In Ethical Persuasion training, we teach people and company employees how we can use the principles of social proof to our ethical advantage when we show people the positive actions that other people have taken. The actions of others can be a strong motivator to decide what is an appropriate action to take. The principle of social proof, is especially strong when people are uncertain.

When bystanders are witnessing, what could be an emergency, we are faced with a bad combination of two factors:

• People hide their own emotions because they don’t wanting the potential embarrassment of being the first and only one, to think there is an emergency going on, and
• The social proof of other people’s inaction and seemingly being calm despite what is happening

To walk you through it, here is what can happen:

1. You walk on the street and there is others like you, near you.
2. You come across something that could be an emergency (Examples: A person lying on the stairs, drooling. Screams or crying coming from some bushes. The noise of screaming/arguing, coming from another apartment in your building.).
3. You consider the fact this might be an emergency, but you are not sure.
4. You keep your calm, and without showing much emotion, you look around at what other people are doing.
5. You see that nobody else seems to be reacting to this event. They are calm and don’t interact with the situation. They go about their own business.
6. Not wanting to embarrass yourself and being somehow reassured by the calm of others, you figure it is not what you thought it was, and you ignore it also. inadvertently sending the same signal to others who see your inaction.

Of course, if you are the victim, nobody seems to want to help you and you can’t understand why.

WHat Could you do when you witness what could be an emergency?

Understanding the tendency of bystanders to hide their thoughts and emotions when faces with someone who may need assistance, we need to take other actions to counter this group reaction:

• The first thing is to have awareness of how this interaction between bystanders can negatively work out. When you look around to see how others are reacting, you should realise they are very likely hiding their emotions.
• A possible action would be to NOT fall into the same trap. Instead of hiding your emotions, you could point at the situation and actively look at others and express with gestures or in words ‘Are you seeing this?!’.
• By giving others the indication that you think this may be an emergency needing assistance, you may invite others to confirm your assessment and spring into action.
• Of course, asking the potential victim if they need help, can give you clear indications on what is needed, but they could be beyond the point where they can confirm they need help.

In any emergency, do protect your own safety. The last thing anyone wants is for you to become a victim also. Ring police or ambulance at the first opportunity. Point at another bystander and say ‘I’m going to have a close look. Will you watch me and get help if needed?’. Getting their verbal acknowledgement will increase dramatically their follow through to lend you or the situation assistance if needed.

Video on TikTok

What could you do when you are a victim and need assistance from bystanders or passers by?

First of all you need to understand when it is clear there is an emergency, research shows that people will lend assistance and do so in high percentages. However, it is ‘certainty’ that is required for this and that means that as long as people are uncertain, they may not come to your aid.

• As a victim, you need to start making it clear to people around you that you are in need of assistance.
• You need to sound the ‘alarm’ early, rather than late.
• You need to realise that crying, screaming or moaning alone, will not make people certain you are experiencing an emergency.
• You can say out loud that you need HELP.
• If you have eye contact with someone, then point at them, describe them and tell them what you need. ‘You sir, in the green coat! I need help! Call an ambulance!’

women more unlikely to receive assistance when in a physical or verbal fight with a man?

There is a further psychological twist for women, unfortunately, when it comes to being in a verbal or physical fight with a man. Research showed that 70% of passers-by (both male and female) who witnessed a (staged) fight between a man and a woman, assumed they were romantically involved. Only 4% thought they were complete strangers.

In a variation of the staged fight, where the woman yelled ‘I don’t know why I ever married you!’, the passers-by were even less willing to assist.

Why do women get no help when in a fight with a man?

There is a high likelihood that other people who are hearing or seeing the fight between a man and a woman, will assume it is an argument between two people in a relationship. It would be embarrassing to step in on a relationship argument and might even see the two people turn on you.

As above, it is the uncertainty of the passer-by that is stops them assisting you. Women need to realise that crying, arguing, screaming and even hitting a man MAY NOT BE ENOUGH to signal to others you need assistance!

How to get help when fighting with a man

Realising that other people will assume with a great majority, that a woman fighting with a man are in a relationship, this is what a woman in need of help needs to make clear is not the case. Shouting you want this fight/harassment to stop may not be enough.

A woman in a fight will do well to make clear that she doesn’t know her attacker.

‘I DON’T KNOW YOU!!!’

By making it clear you are not in a relationship, you will have increased the chances you will be get assistance.

Video on TikTok

It is the author’s opinion that this should be taught to all our family members, including children.

If you found this helpful, or have any experiences explaining this to your family , or experiences of not getting assistance yourself when needed… leave a comment below.

If see the importance, please share this article with your family and friends and others. Post it in social media and bring attention to this. You could help someone in their most desperate hour.

LINKS:

• Are GIFTS or REWARDS better to persuade with
• How to get HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS to eat more fruit
• Learn the TOP-5 most essential skill ‘Persuasion’ for better employment
• The MILGRAM Experiment 1962 – Would you kill someone?